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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Virginity is soooooooo over-rated! PART 2

So, here is Part Two. Thanks for everyone who read, and contributed to the first Part. Click here if you haven't read it.

First though, I would like to clarify some few things from the last post. It raised a lot of questions which I already kind of addressed, but I'll reiterate them and possibly explain further.

First issue (this was the most prevalent one) was brought up by this section:

"Virgins expect to be tapped on the shoulders for doing a "good job" by keeping themselves until their wedding day. I scoff at that notion or idea. It's stupid for my Future wife to think I'd congratulate her for that, cos frankly I won't! She is not doing me a Favor, neither is she doing God a Favor! It's a responsibility issue! Be responsible to yourself."

This section kind of ties in to the second issue as well, which is the issue of responsibility. This has been opposed as not really the main point, since many believe that there should be an expectancy from a woman about being appreciated for keeping herself. This is a very good thing, but focus should not be placed on it, which is what I was merely talking about, but I'll explain more on that.

This will be based on my response to some of the comments made in the comments section.

The problem I have is the expectancy point. Appreciation is something that should come naturally. We help people all the time, and it's natural for us as humans to expect them to appreciate us, i.e thank us. But the question I was asking is what if they don't? Does it make our help pointless and foolish? I beg to differ. I personally believe we should help, well because we want to. Not mainly because we "expect" to receive a pat in the back for helping. If we are going to be babies and whine because no one thanked us for helping, then we might as well not help at all. And that is kind of harsh, but it's the truth! Now how does this relate to this topic. Well, read again. If personally I am going to whine and complain that my Future wife doesn't appreciate the sacrifice I've made in making a personal decision not to mess around with every girl I meet, then I'm still a baby and should not be thinking about Marriage in the first place. Marriage I've heard will require a lot of sacrifice, because there will be many times when my ideas, and opinions, and whatever I have to bring to the table will not be appreciated (prove me wrong Married folks). The question is what to I do then? Again, using the helping logic, I personally believe we should keep ourselves, well, because we want to! Not because we want to be applauded! Is it true that appreciation will come naturally out of this decision, sure. Does it mean we should place emphasis on it to buttress our decision, I think not!

This is what Ibhade has to say to summarize my thoughts on the expectancy issue: "I would respect a woman who kept herself from every form of sexual act because she loves GOD and WANTS to keep the temple holy, and not because of vain glory, so that people can say: "Yes, she married as a Virgin". However, the sad part is that this is what majority are doing! They look forward to being applauded. And I don't think I would respect my Future wife merely because of that. It's her decision, her responsibility! If she likes, she can screw it up....but that would not be fair, but then again, Have I been fair? Or rather, Life is not fair, soooo....

Anyways, on to the issue of responsibility....

I meant responsibility in the sense that one is "able to take rational decisions without supervision; accountable for one's own actions", out of choice, rather than just because (or obligation, like a "I have to" sort of mentality)

A Child is given instructions by the parents, and expected to follow those instructions most of the time with no questions asked. The Child does not for the most part know the implications of the decisions s/he's making. We can even say, the decision is being made for the Child. Children are easily influenced by both the good and the bad. A mature person on the other hand is able to make decisions based on pros/cons, and s/he wants, etc. A mature person is aware of the risks, as well as the benefits involved in making a decision, and is able to act accordingly. A mature person is not expected to complain about his/her decisions, cos oh well s/he made them. No one made the decisions for him/her.

Back to the topic:

Many people are not making choices based on what they want themselves. They are basing their decisions on what is expected of them, by either traditions, cultures, societies, and even religion. While these at times might be a good thing, at least on the behavioral/action side of things; the motives are skewed up. And like we already established, God does not reward just acts/behaviors, he rewards motives, and intentions.

Why are you keeping yourself before marriage? Oh, I'm supposed to!

That would be an immature response!

Wanna hear a mature response?

I'm keeping myself before marriage because "I" am aware of the implications of ...blah blah blah. That is someone who is taking responsibility for his/her own actions; not basing his/her decisions on what the society expects from him/her. You'd be frustrated, and not be proud of being who you are if you are mainly following this line of thought that you have to!

It's not an easy task (and I think I was a little bit insensitive to that in the first post) to decide to do this for the sake of YOU, not the sake of the Church, or your Family, or your Culture or even your Future Wife or Husband. Yeah, this is the part where you become selfish! (Again, everything I say here is directed to both males and females; no partiality) God rewards, and values choice. There are obligations he's given, but then he requires for us to make (a) choice(s)/decision(s).

How powerful is this? "I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore CHOOSE life, that both you and your seed may live" (Deuteronomy 30:19). It's that powerful!

Again, back to the issue of responsibility and maturity:

If asked, Why are you CHOOSING life?

A Child will say: "Because God says I should".

A Mature individual will say: "Did you see the options God gave dumbo?"

God giving us the opportunity to make the decision is a reward enough I believe, but he further promises blessings, and more rewards! Wow! The main point is just obeying, and doing what he requires. Our focus should not be on being rewarded...cos then it ties back to the issue of motive. Do it because it's something you've chosen to do! And the Lord God Almighty WILL reward you for that! I can't boast on God enough, this is something I'm confident enough that He can never fail in! Hebrews 11:6 says he's the rewarder of them that diligently seek him. The reward is secondary, diligently seeking him is primary...the main point!

No one HAS TO! No, you don't have to! But if you do make that choice, he's the one that promised he will reward everyone according to their works. The Slut or Whore gets her reward too, you know? Don't let us feel like we have to, Let's all grow up, and be responsible for our decisions like God wants us to be.

Something to think about: "Is anyone a Virgin (guys too) because it's their choice, and fully responsible for it; or because they feel it's an obligation, like they have to? The 2nd category of people deserves no respect whatsoever. Grow up!"

God desires that we grow up, and stop being babies. That is when it becomes an issue of responsibility! I hope I've been able to clarify that a little bit better!

This topic is kind of taking longer than I thought it would, so be expecting a Part 3 :)

Let's keep the conversation going on. Start the conversation in your blogs too. I would like to hear your responses to some of the (valid AND invalid) points I have raised. Any rebuttals, or validations will be appreciated, and I'm waiting to read what you guys have to say on this topic.



3 comments:

Ibhade said...

Thank YOU for the mention on both posts, do appreciate it :D

Yes, it's so over rated because the pressure is ONLY on the women! Because the man is expected to have 'experience' in handling his wife, on the day of their honeymoon so where did he get the experience from huh?

The society tend to sweep that question under the carpet and believe any gal that her hymen was found intact is a 'good' gal and a wife material while the 'others' are bad....but does it work that way?

There were more virgins in the days of yore & less fornication becox gals married as early as from 15years old.....some dowry were paid before they saw their first menses, but adultery was rampant! which led to the birth of circumcision!

I know of 2 young ladies that were married as virgins from the village becox the men believed city gals don spoil, after they have had their own share of chop & clean mouth........by the time the ladies 'open eyes ehn?...many 'pipe' come dey pass the entrance, after the husband opened the door.

The truth is that, been a virgin or not, cannot make one a good or bad spouse or take one to heaven or hell... it's just as you said; IT'S ONE'S PERSONAL CHOICE OR RESPONSIBILITY, BECAUSE THE PERSON WANTS TO FOR HIS /HER SAKE! SO HE /SHE SHOULD NOT EXPECT A MEDAL OF RECOGNITION OR STANDING OVATION FOR IT.

I HAVE SEEN A SITUATION WHERE A MAN MARRIED A VIRGIN, BOUGHT DOUBLE OF THE TRADITIONAL ITEMS NEEDED FROM HIM BY THE BRIDE'S FAMILY AS A WAY OF APPRECIATION, ONLY FOR HIM TO HAVE A MISTRESS, 2YEARS LATER, WHO WAS NOT A VIRGIN, DIVORCED HER, AND MARRIED THE MISTRESS!

Well, what do you say about the born-again virgin....where old things had passed away, & behold they are a new creature in Christ? A lady asked this question in a gathering and the pastor said, yes! YOU ARE A NEW VIRGIN WHEN YOU BECOME BORN-AGAIN!..the ladies let out a WHOOPI! ..hahahhhaa...thank you...my 2kobo.

Ibhade said...

oH! i forgot to tell you how we intervened to solve a quarrel btw a couple...you see a guy married a gal who he said was a virgin, & did not hesitate to tell anybody who cared to listen. The elder brother was kind of envious,since he did not meet his wife a virgin & becox he had boasted he would marry one to his friends who teased him unceasingly, been the fact that he was a known playboy, who dis-virgin many gals just as his younger brother did before he married his wife. One day, he had a quarrel with his wife, & in the process called her unprintable names including a 'ho'...this angered the wife,becox she had borne previous insults from him by comparing her to his younger brother's wife, which the family favoured most becox of the virginity issue. She moved out! Families & friends intervened, we told him it was wrong, becox the wife had a likeable personality, he apologized and all was settled, but she confided in me that, it can never be like before and don't trust him again and the younger brother and his wife made out a lot during courtship o! Because, one day, she burst into his apartment not knowing she was around, and found her naked, while he had a towel tied around his waist!.. hahahahha...wahala dey!

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

Ahahahaha, this is what hypocrisy can do to people! Like I've said, I'm delighted to meet a Whore/Playboy who is proud in every way of who he is, and is very aware of the consequence than meet a "Family Man" who is on the down-low doing damages. But, that's just me!

Too much importance is placed on girls, it's hard...which is why I try my best to state that this concerns everyone of us...males and females.

The scenario you painted is why it's so overrated. Being a Virgin is NOT really the main issue. Being a Virgin for the wrong reasons is still wrong! That's just the main point. It's just like someone trying to be good in order to attain Salvation. It's good to be good, right? But the idea behind it is wrong! The main focus is not on the good works, but accepting the fact that you are not good by yourself to begin with. Thanks for reading Ma, and contributing. I really do appreciate it :) Please continue the conversation.

The concept of the Born-Again Virgin is essentially alluding to Justification which I talked about, but with a wrong misconception or misunderstanding!