Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Virginity is soooooooo over-rated! PART 1

What a statement to make, right?

You should probably know by now that it's an attempt to make you want to read more about the topic. We writers are experts in TRYING to pique people’s interest. However though, I do mean what I say when I say Virginity is so over-rated, if only partly so.

This topic for me has been long overdue honestly! I'd wanted to write on this issue for so long, and thankfully, there were several circumstances that happened that made me remember to make it a point of duty to write it.

One of these circumstances is a fellow blogger @ilola who wrote on Whose Standards. (click the link). Read the blog post, and read the comments too, Very insightful.

What she wrote was on the fact that people are too quick to judge Christians (especially those who are just simply out of the sincerity of their heart trying to live a godly and holy life). Almost every Christian is labeled an hypocrite, just for the mere fact that they are trying to live separate and distinct from everyone around them. And then, there are the real hypocrites (the self-righteous) who make it a point of duty to blow their horns and prove to people that they are the best, and how bad the rest are. I've already covered that in this post here (CLICK THIS). Real Christians know the only reason they are Christians is because of the first 5 words in that title- CHRIST. Pharisees will show you their works and good deeds first, before they talk about anything else.

However though, it's often funny to me how non-Christians are so quick to play the "don't judge" card, when they themselves are judging, and unduly too. Judge NOT means JUDGE NOT, and that's just for folks who use the phrase so much. Apply it to yourself if you're going to use the phrase at all, lol .Everyone else knows that we as humans judge EVERY TIME (it's only disastrous when we make wrong judgments. We need to make judgments in order to survive. Will you open my door to a guy who is wearing a ski mask, and has his hands behind him? That's the question! He might not be a robber, but oh well) Point is this, don't tell me to "Judge NOT' when you yourself are JUDGING ME. We got that right?

Christ could make that statement in Matthew 7, why? Because he understands human motives and intentions, and he never judged anyone wrongly, because again, He knew the hearts of men. The verse did not just say Judge not, and finish there, it said: Judge not, so that you won't be judged. And the next verse goes on to say "For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged..." This eradicates hypocrisy. Don't go around passing judgments if you can't take it. This is consistent with the Golden rule.

Basically, if you have no problem with others judging you (as long as their judgments is right), then by all means judge away. John 7:24 has this to say: DO NOT judge based on just mere appearance, so that you can make judgments that are right(eous)/just/correct. These are the words of Christ still. Make sound judgments is what he said, not judgments at JUST face value. I'm already talking about it, but really that's a topic for another discussion, and I'll sure write about it! (Remind me if I don't)

@ilola's point was that we should abide only strictly according to God's Standards rather than on religious fanatics' LAWS, and the world's criticism. Her point is solidified using the example of Virgins. There are people who honestly are virgins and have decided to remain so. So WHAT IS ALL THE FUSS ABOUT? ISN'T IT A PERSONAL CHOICE? And these same people who make fun of Virgins are the first people to talk about CHOICE/FREE-WILL when you start to talk about what they themselves do. So twisted! How come we can't apply that to Virgins too, eh? They have their Choice or Free-Will to be that! It's sad that No one ever talks about Free-Will in the light of doing something positive. It's always, "hey I have free-will, and I can do whatever I want!" forgetting that free-will also gives you the opportunity to make responsible decisions. That part is ignored totally. One thing though, the Virgin must be aware that it is PERSONAL too for the Whore to be a Whore if that's what she wants to do. Of course it's dumb, but that's another story.

So, back to my topic of discussion (Pardon me, I ramble too much)...and the main reason for this article. I was fascinated by another Blogger's (Ibhade) comments on @ilola's post. Here's what she said:

WHO IS A VIRGIN? The dictionary says ANYBODY THAT HAS NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL INTERCOURSE....which means ORAL SEX is permissible? But how does the bible describes who a virgin is? IT SAYS ONLY A HUSBAND SHOULD SEE THE NAKEDNESS OF HIS WIFE AND THE MATRIMONIAL BED SHOULD NOT BE DEFILED AND WE SHOULD KEEP THE 'TEMPLE' HOLY... so after a round of ORAL sex that involves sucking, kissing, grinding, caressing, rubbing against each other until one cums, WOULD SUCH PERSON STILL CONSIDER HIM/HERSELF A VIRGIN?...that should be the question...people snicker behind their backs because they 'see' and 'know' they do it but come out forming 'holy' and that is why they say they are hypocrites.

The highlighted part is actually the main reason I'm writing this article. It has always bothered me, and to hear someone else say it the way she did, just as I've always thought about it, IS MAGNIFICENT. Didn't know any person thought like me.

My point is this, Virginity and Purity are two different things.

Our societies are sooo concerned about Virginity. In fact, I do think we are obsessed with it. We have a very strong fascination for a girl (and attach value to her) mainly because she has her hymen intact. A girl is precious and is a jewel if only she's able to be master this one part of her life! Virginity is concerned only about that: just the physical aspect. Purity on the other hand admonishes us all to stop being babies, and grow up. It raises the bar a thousand times higher, if I may say. It's not just (if at all it is) about the hymen. The virginity issue has given guys the leeway for a loooong time (yes this concerns guys too), but the problem is this, we guys don't have hymens the last time I checked.

And please guys, let's all do ourselves a favor! Stop fantasizing about getting the chance to deflower a girl on your wedding night if you are a dog! Please! That's not what you deserve. Let's all stop being hypocrites, cause if you were honest, you probably do deserve a hardcore porn actress, who probably has some unnameable diseases as well. Stop being a kid, and grow up! We should not expect any girl to save up her hymen for us (and I don't) if we are not going to grow up! Deflowering a Virgin is no little boy's job anyways!

God has called us to a higher law (into maturity, cos this is not a job for cowards or little boys)..."flee youthful lusts" and also the fact that the question is asked "don't you know that your body is the temple of God?" (although the fact that this verse has been used for a variety of things other than what Apostle meant - strictly Fornication, and Sexual Immorality is another topic) should make us very appreciative of the fact that God wants us to be fully responsible human beings - truly Man in every sense of the word. The hymen doesn't make a girl less or more a woman, than the mere presence of a penis make a boy a man!

What disgusts me is the fact that the issue of Virginity is viewed merely as a Moral issue, rather than as a responsibility issue. How? Virgins expect to be tapped on the shoulders for doing a "good job" by keeping themselves until their wedding day. I scoff at that notion or idea. It's stupid for my Future wife to think I'd congratulate her for that, cos frankly I won't! She is not doing me a Favor, neither is she doing God a Favor! It's a responsibility issue! Be responsible to yourself.

Personally, I'd prefer to walk the aisle with a Rahab any day than marry a girl who thinks it is an obligation to be Mary! And that's just me....I prefer to live with a person that is fully conscious of the fact that they are awful, and worthless (like I am), than live with someone who thinks they are alright, but really they are not! What seems irredeemable is what God eventually redeems. A person can stand Justified before God, how? Not on how many partners they've had or not had! A Rahab needs justification and redemption just as badly as a Mary does!

WATCH OUT FOR PART 2 (which got deleted from my draft because I forgot to paste the contents, and now I'll have to work extra hard to start again by searching for the references I used, and also I won't be able to actually say it the way I said it before) Ugh!

Part 2 should unearth the level of our hypocrisy with this virginity stuff! It's sad I lost my post though, but oh well. Check back soon....


@ilola said...

Ok oooo, thanks for referencing my blog. You did well in dissecting the issue

As for me, I expect my husband to appreciate the fact that I kept myself for him and God cos it is not an easy thing to do. I don't agree that it is just a responsibility issue only at all
People think differently. Even though you won't really thank your wife for keeping herself, I know many men that would, I am not talking of those men that have spent their past sleeping around o and now want someone 'pure' in their own eyes

Ope Adebayo said...

Woww this is really deep!
I will say that remaining a virginity until my wedding night is a great commitment and would want my husband to appreciate that fact because it is not easy remaining a virgin. (my opinion).

lol@And please guys, let's all do ourselves a favor! Stop fantasizing about getting the chance to deflower a girl on your wedding night if you are a dog! Please! That's not what you deserve. Let's all stop being hypocrites, cause if you were honest, you probably do deserve a hardcore porn actress, who probably has some unnameable diseases as well. Stop being a kid, and grow up. That's so funny but true. I hate when guys ((wayward) guys say they wanna marry a virgin). Mscheww.

aloted said...

first time here...

i was enjoying the article till the part you said a woman should not expect appreciation for keeping herself pure or being a virgin till she got is not moimoi, neither is it yam to remain pure till marriage.

Personally, I did it first for God, then myself, then my hubby and then so I can be a testimony to my daughter(s).

God help us all.

Good read all the same.

T.Notes said...

Oh wow wow wow...deeply and properly well said. I want to make comments and personal impressions on so many grounds,dunno where to start!

Ibhade said...

Wow! thanks very much for the mention humbled and glad to find someone reason the same line....i had always wondered why the pressure is more on the women than the men???...well, i read an article months back how the Chinese had created an artificial hymen in form of a capsule which would be inserted in the vagina, so when it dissolves,it would form a membrane around the vagina....yes! there would be little blood stains when the gal is been dis-flowered...i laughed so hard, & said that serve men right! Because they judge a woman's worth based on an un-broken hymen!

I would respect a woman who kept herself from every form of sexual act because she loves GOD and wants to keep the temple holy and not because of vain glory, so that people can say :YES, SHE MARRIED AS VIRGIN... not after many rounds of masturbation o! which itself is a sin!..that is the hypocrisy i believe people are talking the way, IS FORNICATION THE ONLY SIN IN THE BIBLE?...SIN IS SIN....i was amused when a pastor went about a couple that wanted to get married, that the guy said she was still a virgin..people that were in the 'know' simply grinned..yes, a virgin, but they 'made out' as if there was no tomorrow!....our righteousness is a filthy rag before GOD...BOTH MALE & FEMALES SHOULD KEEP THEMSELVES ...NOT ONLY THE tuppence..thanks again :D

Ibhade said...

Read all the comments and laughed at Ope's..abi oo!..dogs wanting to marry virgins!..i join you hiss o jare!. My respects @ILOLA & ALOTED, :D

P.s...a thought-provoking post, welldone sir.

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

Thanks @ilola, I really appreciate you stopping by. The problem for me is the word "expect", but I kinda do agree with you that it's not easy, especially in the present society we are, and I think I was maybe a little bit insensitive to the fact that fact. This is a satire, so points are bound to be made in a very extreme manner. I meant responsibility in the sense that one is "able to take rational decisions without supervision; accountable for one's own actions", out of choice, rather than just because (or obligation, like a "I have to" sort of mentality) That's what I meant, and I'm sure you would agree with that. I'll discuss more on that in part two (still gathering materials together). Continue the conversation on your blog please :) Thanks for reading.

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

I hope he does appreciate you for it, honestly! and I'm sure he will... Any sensible guy would, it's not easy! Just don't base your choice to remain a Virgin on that! That's the whole thing I was against!

I'm Mscheww-ing with you seriously, lol. It's very skewed and unbalanced. We guys are a selfish bunch, we need to suffer some consequences for our actions too sometimes. Thanks for stopping by.

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

@aloted, lol. The same sentiments has sorta been echoed by the ladies. It's not easy, but the reward of maturity/responsibility, being able to make a decision not because you feel you have to is reward enough I think. But the God who you serve, and honor with your body will definitely reward you! He can't fail in that. The crux is that he doesn't just honor behaviors/actions though, he rewards the motives behind them. (which is really what I was alluding to on the appreciation part) God help us all indeed! And I'm glad you enjoyed it still.

And on a side-note, I checked out your blog. Very interesting your recent posts are very similar to this topic of discussion. About to follow your blog :)

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

Lol @T.Notes, please be free to state your own observations. This is very interesting topic. You can write a blog about your personal impressions, so we can keep the conversation going...Please do! Thanks for reading.

aeWHYoh: Fellow Writer said...

@ Ibhade, warn yourself oh, lol. You're talking about what I wanted to talk about in PART 2 already! Remember I talked about the level of hypocrisy this creates? Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about...Now thanks to you, you already did :/ I'm really really glad I'm not the only one who knows about this still. :D

This comment you made: "I would respect a woman who kept herself from every form of sexual act because she loves GOD and wants to keep the temple holy and not because of vain glory, so that people can say :YES, SHE MARRIED AS VIRGIN" summarizes the whole intention of this article, and what I had at the back of my mind when I was writing the appreciation part.

This is what I wrote on Facebook a couple hours ago: "Is anyone a Virgin (guys too) because it's their choice, and fully responsible for it; or because they feel it's an obligation, like they have to? The 2nd category of people deserve no respect whatsover. Grow up!"

Man, it's like we share the same line of thought honestly! So, I'm not alone, hehehehe.

Anyways, you're right, that is where the hypocrisy sets in, which is why I'm tackling it in the next part, alongside to paint a better and fuller picture as to what I meant about me not tapping my wife on the shoulder for doing a "good job".

Thanks for the inspirations, yourself and @ilola, honestly! Finally been able to talk about this, watch out for Part 2 though :)

Ibhade said...

:DD *waiting* tnx bros.

aloted said...

ok then.. waiting for part 2. thanks for stopping by my blog. will love to see ur comments there :)


RemiRoy said...

Hmm, deep deep, deep one here.
Sad to say, standards are not what it used to be, even in the church.